The following list serves as a launch point for recovering idiots to aid them in their rehabilitation:
- When listening to music on your phone in public, use earphones. Phones come with earbuds these days, so there’s no excuse not to use them.
- Don’t start a conversation with another man doing a number one or number two in a public restroom. Also, no peeking.
- If your Facebook profile pic is porn of Mewtwo or Doremi, don’t be surprised if you don’t get hired.
- “Their”, “there”, and “they’re”. Learn the differences between them, and pick the appropriate one.
- If you have to ask when you’ll ever have to use a certain kind of math you’re learning, you might not use your degree very effectively.
- Don’t pretend you know everything. Most people can recognize a pretentious pseudo-intellectual instantly.
- Christmas is not a season.
- Use your turn signal. The rest of us can’t read your mind.
- Don’t pretend that obesity is healthy.
- Don’t look up furry porn on a school or employer’s computer. They can monitor the activity on their network. Believe it or not, a classmate of mine had to be told this. Twice.
- Stop calling yourself a nerd just to impress people.
- Don’t wear pajama bottoms in public. That fad is over, and it makes you look cheap.
- When you talk on your phone while driving, you might have noticed that people look at you like you’re stupid. There’s a reason for that.
- Each time you proclaim that organic or gluten-free food is somehow healthier, you risk being overheard by someone who knows better.
- A religion is an ideology, not a race.
- The inner lane of traffic is the passing lane. When you match speeds with a vehicle right beside you, those behind you wish that missiles were a standard feature in automobiles.
- Trying too hard to sound nice doesn’t lighten the atmosphere, it’s awkward.
- Stop wearing Beats headphones as a fashion statement. It makes it look like you have too much money.
- You are not a unicorn, vampire, or werewolf. If you think that you are one of the above, you probably just want weird sex.
- Television lied to you.
- “Apocalypse” means “revelation”. If there is going to be a “zombie apocalypse”, that apocalypse would be that there are no zombies.
- He who ironically likes something still likes it.
- Turn off your high-beams. And stop calling them “fog-lights”. Using them while it’s foggy creates a glare that makes it harder for the user to see.
- Virtue signalling doesn’t make you look like a hero.
- Don’t repost this to Buzzfeed.
The above serves as excellent starting points in one’s attempt to trick those around him into thinking that he’s not a mental deficient.